Windhaven Network
175 5th St N
St. Petersburg, FL 33701
(727) 893-7111
windhavennetwork@gmail.com
2023.11.16
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Windhaven Network Addresses Unforeseen Interdimensional Incident with Swift Action and Commitment to Public Safety
SAINT PETERSBURG, FLORIDA – Windhaven Network, a leading innovator in perception architecture, is addressing an unexpected occurrence involving the recently discovered interdimensional doorway in its Central Avenue warehouse. The company is taking swift action to contain the situation and ensure the safety of the public while actively collaborating with relevant authorities.
On Monday, November 13th, an incident occurred at our Saint Petersburg facility, leading to the accidental opening of an interdimensional doorway. As a result, some entities, previously unknown to our scientific community, have entered our world. We want to assure the public that the safety and well-being of our customers and the community are our top priorities.
Our immediate response team, composed of world-class experts in demonology and paranormal activity, is working tirelessly to understand the nature of these interdimensional entities and implement effective containment measures. We are also coordinating closely with local, state, and federal authorities to address the situation with the utmost urgency.
While our investigation is ongoing, we want to emphasize that Windhaven Network is committed to transparency and accountability. At this time, there is no conclusive evidence linking the incident to any specific actions or oversights on our part. We are working closely with independent experts to thoroughly review our protocols and procedures to determine if any improvements can be made.
It’s important to note that Windhaven Network has a long-standing history of prioritizing safety and adhering to the highest industry standards. We are confident that, once the investigation is complete, it will affirm our commitment to excellence.
We understand the concerns of the public and assure everyone that we are doing everything in our power to rectify the situation promptly. We appreciate the cooperation of our employees, partners, and the community as we work through this challenging time together.
Windhaven Network remains dedicated to innovation, safety, and the well-being of our community. We will continue to provide regular updates on our progress as we navigate through this unforeseen and complex situation.
For media inquiries, please contact:
Claire Mulkieran
Senior Perception Architect
(727) 893-7111
windhavennetwork@gmail.com
Please note this is an exercise in crafting a corporate press release using ChatGPT, exploring how a corporation might put a spin on it accidentally opening an interdimensional gateway through which demons are pouring into our world.
There’s no actual interdimensional gateway. Seriously. There’s not. It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard or where you heard it.
How much will you charge for a trip, one way or round trip, through the gateway from this dimension?
It’s a round-trip. But we can’t guarantee you’ll return in the same form you left in.